Cutting out the toxic

Linkin Park said it best in “Burning in the Skies”

“Oh, I’m swimming in the smoke
Of bridges I have burned
So don’t apologize
I’m losing what I don’t deserve”

I think one of the hardest things for me was realizing that you CAN cut toxic people, friends, jobs, even family out of your life. Let’s break this down piece by piece, starting with family.

It is kind of engrained in us that you are stuck with your family regardless of how they treat you. This is FALSE. You don’t need to be subjected to that special form of abuse (mostly verbal and mental) just because they share your DNA. After a large portion of my family found out I was raped and didn’t report it…they accused me of faking it for attention. I got called a slut, a whore, that I deserved to be raped. I even had people who share my DNA (I refuse to call them family) message me and tell me I should just kill myself. I don’t speak to 90% of my DNA sharer’s. I know exactly who started it, and who spread it. And I’m not here to publically shame anybody. I am also willing to forgive. One of the people that treated me horribly has started making amends the past year, and I am open to it. It destroys me on a daily basis that I have about 10% of people who share my blood left that I actually can call family. Cutting out those 90% was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and it takes it’s toll every single day. But I know it would be worse for me to just let them be in my life. It hurts, but it had to be done.

Toxic friendships…same thing. Just because you have known somebody a large amount of time does not mean you are obligated to stay friends- especially if they aren’t there for you, or talk shit, or really any reason that is detrimental to your health. I’ve set a few friends loose, but once again…I am 100% willing to forgive and try again. Some friendships have expiration dates. Some have a pause button. Some will be there for you forever. Sometimes you outgrow each other, and that is perfectly ok. You’ll make new friends in every phase of your life.

Now lets talk jobs. Growing up in the US, it is a sort of unspoken rule that you will be mentally and sometimes verbally abused and taken advantage of at your job. And you are expected to just take it. You do NOT need to take it! You do NOT deserve to be treated like garbage, to have unwavering loyalty to a job that couldn’t care less about you! I have had a job where I had an asthma attack so bad, I was hospitalized for 3 nights because they couldn’t get me off oxygen. I had worked the day before, and I couldn’t breathe no matter how many times I took my inhaler. I was planning on going to work the next day STILL not being able to breathe until my mom called to ask how I was doing. I told her I couldn’t breathe (and could barely talk) and she came and picked me up and took me to the ER. When I was admitted, my oxygen was at 70%. I was close to blacking out. My boss was “understanding” but after the third day, she texted me and literally told me enough was enough and if I had to carry and be on oxygen at work then that was what I expected to do. I quit about 3 weeks later- an hour before she was due to end her shift and go on vacation. Yes, I planned that to screw her over.

My next job I had a suicide attempt. My delightful manager approved one ONE day off, with a doctors note…and then told me on my next shift to “plan my suicide attempts on my days off next time”. I quit that same day. My most recent job (where I quit 2 days ago) had just hired a new manager about a month ago. Before that, I was literally the only front desk employee. I was working 6 days a week to keep us from going under. I met every single membership goal and every single other monthly goal for 2 months ALONE. And this guy comes in and immediately lectures me that I’m not keeping up with him. He was working 40 hour weeks, and I was working 17 on a good week.. Of course I wasn’t keeping up with him! Then they started wanting me to literally harass prospective clients by calling them again and again and again and again. He started having all calls going out and coming in to the studio forwarded to his cell to track me. I have been having suicidal thoughts for the past month, and that was the final straw. This company I worked my ass for to keep in business had zero loyalty to me, so I had zero loyalty to them- especially when my life was potentially on the line.

I know saying no is hard- but we all have to start doing it. We do NOT deserve to be treated like crap by ANYBODY.

You are worth so much more.