January 14 is always a hard day for me. On January 14, 2018, I had to let my best friend, my soul dog Tango cross the rainbow bridge. He was an 11 year old corgi and I had had him since me and my mom rescued him from a shelter when he was about 10 months old. I was 14 years old and just starting my battle of severe depression and anxiety. He saved my life multiple times and gave me a reason to get up in the morning as a teenager. When he was about 8 years old, me and my husband started noticing that he was dragging his back left foot occasionally. We thought maybe he hurt himself or something like that. It just got worse. He was still the same dog I’d always known, he just had a bit of trouble walking. Then…the back right foot started to drag. We built him a wheelchair, and he took to it pretty well. Eventually, he was diagnosed with DM (Degenerative myelopathy) which slowly paralyzes a dog from the bottom up. There is no cure and really no treatment. It’s a death sentence.
In 2016, me and my husband moved back to Colorado from Florida. Unfortunately, Denver is very very expensive and we couldn’t afford the deposit on an apartment, so we moved into my husbands childhood home about 3 hours away to work and save. That time came, and we both got jobs in Denver. Unfortunately, we had to live with my family for about a year and we couldn’t bring Tango, our other dog Diggory or our cat Charles, so we left them temporarily with his family until we could get an apartment. Except…it was taking to long and our dogs desperately missed us, and us them- Tango especially, since I knew his time was becoming limited. Fortunately a friend of a friend of a friend brought me into contact with a fantastic lady whose corgi had also had DM and had passed away and lived in the Denver area. She (this virtual stranger, who didn’t know us and who certainly didn’t owe us anything) opened up her home to my precious Tango and took care of him until we could finally afford an apartment. This ended up being from May 2017-October 2017. She was angel sent- she helped us every step of the way in dealing with his DM. We were welcome anytime and we were able to see him often.
Finally in October 2017, after 7 months, we were finally able to move into an apartment and be reunited with all 3 of our fur babies. Tango deteriorated pretty quickly after around Thanksgiving. We were in constant contact with his vet, and we decided that as long as he still had quality of life (showed interest in playing and eating and wasn’t in pain) we weren’t at the end yet. Unfortunately, that day came. Early January 2018 he lost interest in playing and didn’t really want to eat (and he was an extremely food motivated dog) and after talking with his vet and the fantastic lady who watched him, we came to the decision that it was time for euthanasia. We had a few options- doing it at the vets, or at home. The vet was significantly cheaper but…I wanted him home and comfortable. We managed to get the money and set a date- January 14. The vet came to our house and gave me full control on how long it would take. To explain that, there are 3 stages of euthanasia (at least the way this vet did it- some are 2 steps). The first is a relaxer, the second is a sedative and the third is the lethal one. The vet let me decide when he administered each injection. Tango died peacefully in my arms, surrounded by the people who loved him the most- me, my husband, my mom and our new friend who watched him. She even accompanied the vet to the crematorium to make sure we 100% got his ashes back. She was much stronger then me, and I am forever grateful to her for everything.
Today is January 14, 2024 and I’ve been without my precious Tango for 6 years. It’s been 6 years since I held him while he crossed the Rainbow Bridge and I’m still grieving. I often wonder if I was selfish and made him live longer than he should have. I’m always reassured that no, that WAS his time. The vet has told me that. My mom has told me that. My husband has told me that. Tango HIMSELF has told me that. But I still wonder. I also absolutely hate myself that I couldn’t be around a ton his last year, year and a half. I absolutely DESPISE myself for that. I know the situation was out of my control, but it doesn’t matter. He was with me through my multiple suicide almost attempts (and literally saved my life on one). He was with me through my rape and subsequent miscarriage. He was with me the entire 2 years of hell living in Florida. He was with me through everything, and in his last year I was barely there for him. I will ALWAYS hate myself for that.
Tango was my first (and honestly, my only) major loss and I’m not sure that type of wound ever heals. I’m not 100% sure I want it to.
Here are some fun/random facts about Tango. 1) He absolutely LOVED bread. All bread, any bread BREAD. 2) He LOVED the snow. He would play outside for hours in the snow if you let him. He also loved catching snowballs. 3) His favorite toys were empty water bottles or empty 2 liters. If he saw you empty one, you WERE going to give it to him. But- plot twist- he only liked them until he could get the lid off. 4) He either loved… or hated the water hose. 5) He knew how to bring you his bowl. 6) He was a pure bred corgi puppy that I rescued from a Humane Society…and I’ve never seen one since him. 7) When we adopted him, his name was Chester. He didn’t really know that name (and he was NOT a Chester) so we renamed him Tango, after Dave Tango from the TV show Ghost Hunters. 8) He would bark and bark and bark at windshield wipers. 9) He knew he couldn’t jump on you so instead he would just bounce up and down AROUND you. 10) He was my soul dog, it was meant to be.
Tango, I hope I gave you a good life. I hope you were happy and I hope you know just how much I loved you. Thank you for letting me be your human and I know one day I’ll see you again. Until then, please let Pepper and Charles know I love them and miss them too. I like to think Steve Irwin is up there taking care of you and all our pets until we can meet again.
I’ll love you forever.
RIP Tango
2006-2018
Body and Mind Under Construction 
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